No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
