The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
