Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
