I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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