I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
