i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize