I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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