This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
