we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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