What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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