Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
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