I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
