Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
