he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
