I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
