Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
