I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
