Sry I called you an 8
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
