well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
