Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
