I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
