i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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