Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
