a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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