you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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