i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
