12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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