I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
