Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
