Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
