i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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