He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
