..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need to sanitize my soul.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
