If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
