he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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