There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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