nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
