I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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