He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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