i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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