That's intense
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
