I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
