I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
