Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
