You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
