He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
