I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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