I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
