It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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