Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
