I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
