I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
