maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
