You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
