Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
