when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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