Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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