How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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