my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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