well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
