Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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