Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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