he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
