i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
