I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
