YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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