dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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