Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
