i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
