He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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