legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize