Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
