i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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