i love accidental penises.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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