So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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