we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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